WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States President, Donald Trump, has announced he will be filing for divorce from Margaret “Mother” Nature. In a shockingly public shaming, Trump told officials today that he will pull the [not so] United States out of the Paris Climate Agreement; a worldwide effort to slow the effects of global warming and climate change.
He ironically delivered the news in Mother Nature’s very own rose garden. The President cited economic interests as the main reason for the marital difficulties. Though the couple has been seeking counseling for months, Nature was just not providing enough for the business mogul.
White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer told reporters, “The President needs a Nature that can solely serve the United States without reservation or conservation in mind…Mother Nature is just not cutting it anymore.”
Trump says he expects Mrs. Nature to be fine, though scientists, environmentalists, experts, and basic facts clearly point otherwise.
No word yet on who will take care of the couple’s seven billion children.