NORTH POLE – Sources have confirmed that Saint Nicholas “Santa” Claus has put every single staff member of the current White House Administration on the Naughty List this year.
With the barrage of sexual assault scandals, sketchy late-night votes on tax reform, and the recent guilty plea from Michael Flynn for lying to the FBI, Santa thought it best to ensure that no one currently working in the President’s office and residence gets anything but a lump of the coal they seem to love so much.
At least until things are all sorted out with the whole Russian collusion thing.
What does Santa plan to do with the extra cash he’ll have from the over 5,000 members of the Executive Office not getting gifts this year? Snippet the Elf believes that Jolly Old Saint Nick will donate a portion of the money to Planned Parenthood, and use the rest of the funds to aid the people most affected by Kellyanne Conway’s feeble attempts at hiding her horns.