Tracy Quits Soda Now So It Doesn’t Seem Like a New Year’s Thing

PHOENIX, Arizona – Tracy Parsons (33) announced to her coworkers today that she is giving up drinking soda, in the hopes that everyone will recognize this as a healthy lifestyle choice and not just some stupid New Year’s resolution.

She hopes that publicly giving up sugary beverages at the office 20 days before the New Year will keep Chadwick in sales from thinking she is someone who believes in idiotic “New Year, New Me” resolutions. Tracy is not that girl. She makes temporary sacrifices for her health all year round, not just the first of the year. She didn’t drink coffee for most of the summer, and she still hasn’t bought any from Starbucks since July 1st (except one time in September during a road trip to Las Vegas). She even thought about doing Whole30 last month.

But while she tries to improve her health through small, noncommittal choices, Tracy is also not the kind of person to deny herself pleasure. If she’s at a holiday party, and soda is the only option, she’ll have some. That doesn’t make her a bad person. She has to live her life.

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