WICHITA, KS – With Thanksgiving only 22 days away, your overly-religious Aunt awoke from her sleep this morning filled with inspiration — to draft the family prayer for Thanksgiving.
“It is my honor to have been chosen to deliver the prayer this year, but the pressure to perform well for the Lord can be very intimidating. With the exception of Christmas, this is the one chance I have each year to force religion on my entire family of heathens,” your Aunt said. “I plan to really nail them to the cross, if you know what I mean.”
Without giving away too many details, she tells us that you can expect a six minute monologue that covers the basics of thankfulness, togetherness, and bounty, but then takes a sharp left turn into trusting the current political administration to lead our country back into greatness.
“I think it’s really going to make everyone feel comfortable before we sit down to share an entire meal, especially the part where I ask God’s forgiveness for each of the eighteen people crowded around the tiny dining room/kitchen [individually and by name]. I look forward to seeing everyone at church that Sunday after my big finale: I’ve invited Monsignor Gidson to offer communion at our table and watch football with the guys!”