Hidden Valley Ranch Found

The famous Hidden Valley Ranch, where salad dressing flows like lava from beautiful, multicolored volcanoes of Italian, Balsamic, French, Raspberry Vinaigrette, and that famous zesty white stuff, has been found through a crawl space of a Rue21 dressing room in Santa Barbara, California.

“We had no idea it was back there!” said Anne, the assistant manager who was on duty during the discovery. “A customer complained of a volcanic rumbling sound coming from behind a tiny door under the bench of her changing stall, and when we opened it, there it was – the Hidden Valley Ranch.”

While the ranch location is no longer a mystery, local authorities have been unable to locate any humans on the farm at the time that this article was written, and are unable to say how the bottling of the dressing is taking place. Some conspiracy theorists have taken to Twitter to suggest alien activity on the ranch, but most people think it’s probably just elves.

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