Used firecrackers, remnants of cheap, drugstore fireworks, and the faint smell of farts. This was the horrifying scene at Trickster Gallery, where a local man was found unconscious. The cause? Officials believe it was a case of the heebie-jeebies. Daryl Carpenter, 78, was found unconscious near the Trickster Gallery late last night following what he… Continue reading Heebie-Jeebies Plagues Locals
A new study shows that the burrito, a Mexican dish consisting of a stuffed tortilla shell, has developed cognitive abilities such as memory, reasoning, and possibly even language. This comes to huge surprise to scientists such as Dr. Rachael Lopez, who described the potential consequences of this discovery in an exclusive interview. ANDY: Dr. Lopez,… Continue reading Burrito Gains Cognitive Functions, Bends to Human Will Anyway
♠ Is this 2 of spades a spade? (Yes.) ♠ How about this 3 of spades? Is it a spade? (For Sure, Yes.) ♠ Is the 4 of spades a spade? (Actually, yes.) ♠ 5 spades? Still a spade? (Um, Yes.) ♠ Is this 6 of spades a spade? (Yes x6.) ♠ How about the 7 of spades a spade? (Still, Yes.)… Continue reading Can You Call These Spades a Spade?
Lions and Tigers and Bears, buh-bye! Now that Pride month has ended, thousands of exhausted gay bears are laying down for a nice long nap. How long? Well, you might not see some of them again until next June. June is an exhausting month for many bears in the LGBTQ community. Thirty days of dancing in the… Continue reading Thousands of Gay Bears Hibernate until next June
You read that right, the Chicago Bean has SPROUTED! The metallic sculpture, designed by Anish Kapoor in 2004, has grown a stalk that measures 12 feet by 10 inches in circumference, and extends past the height of the Willis Tower into the clouds above. Earliest sightings of the stalk were reported just after midnight last… Continue reading Chicago “Bean” Sprouts Giant Stalk!
Elisa thought she would have the perfect wedding. Every detail was planned, from the outside ceremony in a local vineyard right down to the monogrammed hand soaps in the bathrooms of the reception hall. Nothing could ruin her big day, or so she thought. Imagine the bride's surprise when one of her most trusted friends… Continue reading Summer Solstice Arrives Early To Wedding, and Without a Gift
On Friday, Michael Browning (Waukesha, WI) was just a typical FedEx Ground employee completing his work week. Little did he know that by the end of the day, he would be the laughing stock of the delivery service industry. At approximately 5pm central time, Browning was walking east on Lawnsdale Road when he passed an… Continue reading Local Delivery Man Misses High Five, Causes Shame