CHICAGO, IL – When local homeless man, Tom [just Tom], stopped inside the North/Clybourne Apple store to see what he could steal, he discovered what many people around the world saw last month: the new iPhone XS, and its price tag.
Stare deeply into the endless woven thread. Allow yourself to sink into the soft, swirling fabric. Let the infinite scarf absorb your worries, as you wrap your head around the things you cannot change and mistakes you cannot fix.
PRINCETON, NJ – A new study from Princeton University finds that out of 100 men caught staring at a woman’s cleavage and told, “my eyes are up here,” 99.6 percent of them already knew that.
To their complete outrage, hundreds of young men have found that their 8 inch long penises, when measured with the new iPhone “Measure” app, are being displayed as just 5 1/2 inches.
The dangerous levels of misogyny made the air difficult to breathe, but the brave reporters pressed on, much to Trump’s protests.
(Waco, TX) Guerrilla Riders National President Jeremy Oldman, 64, has decreed that the long tradition of making fun of yogies must come to an end, after an amazing free session at Moonrise Yoga that left his back feeling wonderful.
The unpublished professor, Dr. Peter Amateuris, addressed his Professional Practices of Published Novelists class with confidence as he made up all kinds of nonsense about what the “industry” is looking for.
I don’t laugh when you trip over your Adidas, so why do you humans love to watch me fall?
RALEIGH, NC – During her most recent visit to the dentist for a routine cleaning, Rachel Argo, 27, couldn’t help but notice that her dental hygienist…
SUGAR LAND, TX – Bill releases a mighty belch and bows his head in prayer to ask the Good Lord for help finishing the Arby’s Meat Mountain Sandwich.
Balloons (they look like brightly colored, yummy fish!)
Utensils (forks, knives, spoons, sporks, they all feel the same when clogged in an airway)
Gregory the Giraffe, a lobbyist from Arlington Heights, Illinois, is an undeniable sharp shot with a rifle. The South African native has been hunting for years, with human trophies from all over the world: France, China, Germany, Australia.
Last week, Amazon unveiled their new In-Car Delivery service, allowing Prime members to have packages left in their car like a newborn baby during a
‘A Quiet Place’ earned 50 million dollars in its opening weekend, as thousands of people flooded movie theaters to escape the noise of American culture.
“You won’t catch me on my phone while driving!” exclaims Fannie Brynton (46) while driving to her job in downtown Seattle, one hand on the