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Burrito Gains Cognitive Functions, Bends to Human Will Anyway

A new study shows that the burrito, a Mexican dish consisting of a stuffed tortilla shell, has developed cognitive abilities such as memory, reasoning, and possibly even language. This comes to huge surprise to scientists such as Dr. Rachael Lopez, who described the potential consequences of this discovery in an exclusive interview. ANDY: Dr. Lopez,… Continue reading Burrito Gains Cognitive Functions, Bends to Human Will Anyway

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Can You Call These Spades a Spade?

♠ Is this 2 of spades a spade?  (Yes.) ♠ How about this 3 of spades? Is it a spade? (For Sure, Yes.) ♠ Is the 4 of spades a spade? (Actually, yes.) ♠ 5 spades? Still a spade? (Um, Yes.) ♠ Is this 6 of spades a spade? (Yes x6.) ♠ How about the 7 of spades a spade? (Still, Yes.)… Continue reading Can You Call These Spades a Spade?

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Thousands of Gay Bears Hibernate until next June

Lions and Tigers and Bears, buh-bye! Now that Pride month has ended, thousands of exhausted gay bears are laying down for a nice long nap. How long? Well, you might not see some of them again until next June. June is an exhausting month for many bears in the LGBTQ community. Thirty days of dancing in the… Continue reading Thousands of Gay Bears Hibernate until next June

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Chicago “Bean” Sprouts Giant Stalk!

You read that right, the Chicago Bean has SPROUTED! The metallic sculpture, designed by Anish Kapoor in 2004, has grown a stalk that measures 12 feet by 10 inches in circumference, and extends past the height of the Willis Tower into the clouds above. Earliest sightings of the stalk were reported just after midnight last… Continue reading Chicago “Bean” Sprouts Giant Stalk!

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Summer Solstice Arrives Early To Wedding, and Without a Gift

Elisa thought she would have the perfect wedding. Every detail was planned, from the outside ceremony in a local vineyard right down to the monogrammed hand soaps in the bathrooms of the reception hall. Nothing could ruin her big day, or so she thought. Imagine the bride's surprise when one of her most trusted friends… Continue reading Summer Solstice Arrives Early To Wedding, and Without a Gift

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Local Delivery Man Misses High Five, Causes Shame

On Friday, Michael Browning (Waukesha, WI) was just a typical FedEx Ground employee completing his work week. Little did he know that by the end of the day, he would be the laughing stock of the delivery service industry. At approximately 5pm central time, Browning was walking east on Lawnsdale Road when he passed an… Continue reading Local Delivery Man Misses High Five, Causes Shame

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Female Dogs’ Expectations of Males, and What to Wear to the Dog Beach this Summer

Now that June has arrived, dogs everywhere are ready to get outside. Dog-friendly beaches, like the ones in Chicago, IL, are perfect places to get exercise, enjoy fresh smells, and meet new companions. But having a fun-filled afternoon of butt sniffing and ball chasing might not be so easy this year, say local canines. Many… Continue reading Female Dogs’ Expectations of Males, and What to Wear to the Dog Beach this Summer

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5 Times You Missed the Invisible Plane in the new “Wonder Woman” movie

Anyone who knows Wonder Woman knows that the goddess can usually be found riding high in her invisible plane. Some hardcore fans of the the D.C. character were disappointed that the aircraft didn't show up in the new feature film starring Gal Gadot. Or did it? Here are five times the invisible jet was right… Continue reading 5 Times You Missed the Invisible Plane in the new “Wonder Woman” movie

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National Donut Day is Happening Again…

June 2nd is National Donut Day, and thousands of people are flooding social media to establish that they did get their morning donut today, just like they did Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday of this week. "I get at least one donut every morning before work, sometimes I get two when Cindy brings in a… Continue reading National Donut Day is Happening Again…